Raising Cain


Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, written by Dan Kindlon, and Michael Thompson.

Until Teenage Years

I remember walking on Christmas morning with my hand in my father’s. I had been reading in the books about stars and I had this early morning been taking a look now and then up at a sky of clear stars. I turned my face up toward my father’s and said, pointing with the loose hand, “You know, some of those stars are millions of miles away.” And my father, without looking down toward me, gave a sniff, as though I were a funny little fellow, and said, “We won’t bother about that now..”. For several blocks neither of us said a word and I felt, while still holding his hand, that there were millions of empty miles between us.

Courage is resistence to fear, master of fear - not absence of fear.

Mark Twain

Adolescent Years

I think I was a junior in high school. I was wrestling my dad in the living room. We were about the same height, although he outweighed me by quite a bit. I was pretty successful at not letting him up. Then he broke free with one arm and started punching me. He was only hitting me in teh arm, but he was hitting me as hard as he could. I was kind of stunned. Clearly something was different. Wrestling around had always been fun. We would mostly laugh while we did it. But he was upset. Then I figured out that it wasn’t easy for him anymore. He could no longer physically dominate me. I don’t think we ever wrestled after that.

Strengthening the Bonds

Boys And Violence

The greatest remedy for anger is delay.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Reasons Behind Violence

Building the Emotional Literacy

Diffusing Angery in Boys

Getting a boy to talk about about his anger, weakens the intensity of the anger. If you can get a boy to talk, violence will not be the first approach when he is angry. As the boy talks about the anger, he will be able to find the real source and it will be much easier to confront the source and work on it.